The Reflection of Shadows
I thought my pain was endless-
That I was empty, hollow,
Destined to suffer.
Until last night,
Until I realized
I’ve never
Never
Never suffered like you.
My shadow filled days will
never compare to your pitch-black nights
And days
And weeks
And months
That never ended,
That lasted for years,
That were still, quiet, frozen-
That you couldn’t escape.
How you only had one thing to
look forward to
Every. Single. Day.
One moment.
And when it was time to say
goodbye
The Nothing returned.
The emptiness of a heart still
beating,
A brain still thinking,
But a body unmoving.
Trapped in your own existence,
Never to hold your daughter
again,
Never to kiss your wife.
Alone in a way no one could
feel but you.
I will never truly understand.
I thought my pain was endless-
That I was empty, hollow,
Destined to suffer.
Until last night,
Until I realized
I’ve never
Never
Never suffered like you.
My empty heart will never
compare to your broken, shattered soul.
To a dream that ended before
it began.
To a life unimagined.
To a love so rare and true
that no one
No one
Will ever fill that void,
Or ever make you whole.
I never understood how alone
you really were.
And still are.
And may always be.
How you sacrificed it all
without question,
Without regret,
And how somehow you feel
guilty for something you couldn’t control.
Something you didn’t ask for,
Something you bravely never
walked away from.
And freely sacrificed
everything
Everything
That a normal life would
resemble.
For us.
For him.
And now, for her.
I will never truly understand.
I thought my pain was endless-
That I was empty, hollow,
Destined to suffer.
Until last night,
Until I realized
I’ve never
Never
Never suffered like you.
My emotional numbness will
never compare to your heart breaking aloneness.
To losing yourself to age.
And time.
And feeling like a burden to
others.
When you can no longer see
well,
Or hear well,
And can barely get around your
own house.
And how you stay- I know this,
you stay
For me.
Because I am selfish and can’t
let you go.
I will never truly understand.
I thought my pain was endless-
That I was empty, hollow,
Destined to suffer.
Until last night,
Until I realized
I’ve never
Never
Never suffered like you.
I will never know the
stillness of a man immobilized by his own body,
Unable to decide for himself.
Unable to take care of his
family.
Unable to do anything-
Anything
But blink.
I will never know the
emptiness of a woman who lost everything she had ever wanted.
Who sacrificed it all.
And who waited patiently
For years,
Until hope ran out and she was
truly alone
Because there was only one
person for her.
And I know that nothing,
Not even time,
Will heal her heart.
I will never know the
aloneness of a woman who’s lived for nearly a century.
Who’s seen her best friend and
lifelong companion pass on,
Who has aged so gracefully
And been so independent
Until now,
When time has started to set
in
And slowed her,
Changed her,
Made her begin to fade away.
I will never truly understand
these things. I have felt but a fraction of what they have lived. I have seen
nothing.
And they may never truly know
how exceptional they really are.
How amazing.
And strong.
And brave beyond measure.
And how wonderful they've been.
How so few would do what they
have done.
How most would have given up.
How practically no one would
have been so selfless,
So kind,
So loving.
To stay,
To try,
To do it all
For me.
