The Reflection of Shadows: Sleep

The Reflection of Shadows

A collection of moments

It's been one of those weeks, friends. One. Of. Those. Weeks. 

I put up two Christmas trees - TWO - in an attempt to make the inside of the house look like a winter wonderland because Phoenix never looks like a winter wonderland outside. 

On Sunday I got up at 5am, ran/walked a 5K, came home and attempted to finish unpacking every single box and hanging every single picture that was left from the move- and then reorganized the garage so it looks as beautiful as a garage can possibly look. 

I tried to keep the kids (dogs) entertained and happy, only to have the giant one accidentally bash me in the face with his even more giant rock-solid skull. It's a miracle I'm still alive right now.

Basically, I started about 776 projects assuming I would get every single one of them done and still be able to go to bed at a nice, reasonable hour like nice, reasonable adults do. 

Pfft.

I hope you all haven't been as holiday crazed as me. If you have, I hope you at least didn't get knocked in the skull by a beast of a dog. And if that happened, well, I hope you had an ice pack on hand. 

AmsterDAM Society6

Sleep

Sleep is a word that I know not so well,

We have been acquainted,

Though I bid it a farewell.

Only in my waking, in my yawning, in my haze

Have I wished some sleep upon myself

To get me through the day.

Monday Mantra: When Parents Become People

A mantra is a sound, syllable, word, or group of words that is considered capable of "creating transformation".

Every Monday I will post a new thought, idea, or focus for the week. When you need a breather from life, when you need a little inspiration, or when you're about to jump over the conference table and strangle your co-worker, remember the mantra.

Monday Mantra: Whether we like it or not, parents are people too

Annie Olinick

"It is easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult."

 - Frederick Douglass

I've seen that quote many a time. It strikes me as one of the most important ones to memorize and live up to. I can see it in people I know. The ones who are unstoppably strong and confident, in all the right ways. The ones who needed more hugs and reassurances that they were loved, that they were enough. I can see it in myself, in all the ways I wish I was different, better.

A parent has the greatest responsibility of anyone out there. It's their job to raise us wild, crazy kids into mature, responsible, healthy adults. That's no easy task, given how different each person can be with personalities, beliefs, thoughts and goals and ideas. 

As a child, you look to your parents for absolutely everything - advice, guidance, life examples, wisdom. You expect them to be almost perfect because, in some ways, you need them to be. One of the most important (and hardest) lessons I ever had to learn was that my mom wasn't just my mom. She was a person, all on her own, with hopes and dreams, disappointments and failures, weird ticks and personality quirks. On some level, I knew this. About her, about all parents. But as her daughter, as a child, I had certain expectations of her as my mother. 

I've realized that there is a point where my mom stops being my mom and she becomes her own person. The person she always has been, always was, long before I was in the picture. The person who can handle certain things and needs me to handle others because she just simply cannot do it. The person who sometimes needs to trade places with me because life has left her alone and she doesn't know what to do next. The person who has her own beliefs about God and the world and what's right and wrong and who will never see eye-to-eye with me on some things that drive me absolutely crazy.

I find it equally comforting and sad that many of my friends can relate to this. We've all had the "What were/are our parent's thinking?" talks. We've made pacts to stop each other from doing those same things in life. We, I think (I hope), won't end up doing them because we have seen and lived them first hand. We will, I'm certain, make our own mistakes. We will fail and mess things up and try and try and try, but at the end of the day I hope we will have built our children up to be strong, compassionate people. I hope when our children see us as people and not just parents, they'll be proud. 

I struggled writing this post. There are so many things I could say from my perspective as a child, which is of course going to be completely different than that of a parent. I have no perspective as a parent right now, unless you count my four legged children. I know there are good parents and mediocre parents and parents that should never have been parents in the first place. I know that most (most, not all) parents try their very best to be good examples to their children. I know this. 

I guess what I'm really trying to get across here are two things:

One - We have to accept that our parents are people, too. People who have their own personalities, their own ways of doing things, their own lives. People who will make mistakes and who will let us down, not necessarily on purpose, but because they are simply human. That being said, we have the inherent right as their children to expect a certain level of parenting that guides us, protects us, cares for us, and doesn't leave us wondering WTF is going on in their heads. 

Two - We all have a responsibility to be better people, whether or not we're parents right now. We have a responsibility (to ourselves, to our current children or our future children) to be the best people we possibly can be. To love unconditionally and be fiercely compassionate in all things we do. To set the right examples by demonstrating through our own actions. To build our children up so that they can be even better parents than us. Ultimately, to know at the end of each day with whatever mistakes we made, we gave it everything we had to be the best people our children could have ever hoped we'd be. 

The Reflection of Shadows: Sinful Wishes

The Reflection of Shadows

A collection of moments

I love this life I've been given, but every so often I get a little ticked off. I get tired of importance being placed on the wrong things. I become irritated when we try and measure people's feelings when, instead, we should be trying to understand them. I find myself churning a little fire of anger inside myself when we tell everyone they must be identical, they must be the same, they must not differ in any way.

Seeds of Good and Evil - Society 6

Sinful Wishes

Holidays are long forgotten,

Empty Christmas cards left wanting,

Tip toeing around religions,

Careful not to have opinions.

Goals and numbers only matter,

Art is simply paint that’s splattered,

Words no longer hold a meaning,

Nothing changes but the seasons.

Children no longer believing,

Kept away from their daydreaming,

Glance away from strangers passing,

Scared of questions worth the asking.

No one smiles, lack of reason.

Happiness is found of treason.

The greatest thinkers being silenced,

Their voices masked by shrieks of violence.

Deeds forgiven to the shameless

And those who shall remain here nameless.

The Reflection of Shadows: Simple

The Reflection of Shadows

A collection of moments

This week we celebrate Thanksgiving. A time to reflect on the good we've been given in our lives- the people, the experiences, the opportunities and friendships and miracles. A time that often makes us appreciate the more simple things in life that we, too frequently, take for granted. The breath in our bodies, the wind in our hair, the small things that add up to the great things.

Take a  moment today (maybe in the middle of your Black Friday shopping...just a suggestion) to reflect on the simple things in your life. Acknowledge them. Appreciate them. Remember them.

Simply Sweden - Society 6

Simpler Times

Simple was what simple is,

Based on how we choose to live.

Based on checklists, endless tasks,

Buying what we think we lack.

Peace and calm is all we need,

In this we seek simplicity.

Long before the days were full

With goals and chores and things to do,

Long before we couldn’t rest,

Before we couldn’t catch our breath,

Before the days and nights of work

When all our bare feet knew was earth,

We found the joy in smaller things,

Like dewey kisses in the breeze

Or memories of colored skies

When firecrackers lit the night,

When bedtime stories filled our heads

Before our eyelids closed in rest.

Simple things should always be

Our spectacles through which we see.

 The sky that’s blue that paves the way

To new beginnings everyday,

To air that’s cool, to wind that’s still

Where only simple things we’ll feel.

A time of rest, of calm, of peace

In letting go we find relief.

Let us open up our eyes

To peaceful days and simpler times.

I won't have a post Monday as I'm taking the next few days to spend time with the family and decorate for Christmas. Enjoy your weekend, friends!

Monday Mantra: Choose Now

A mantra is a sound, syllable, word, or group of words that is considered capable of "creating transformation".

Every Monday I will post a new thought, idea, or focus for the week. When you need a breather from life, when you need a little inspiration, or when you're about to jump over the conference table and strangle your co-worker, remember the mantra.

Monday Mantra: Leap and the net will appear - John Burroughs

Leap - Society 6

I talk a lot about not having regrets in life, or at least about trying to reframe them as lessons. For the most part I live in this way. However, there is one moment in history I would change, if given the chance.

Years ago I was on a Euro trip and one of the stops was Amsterdam. Upon arrival the city seemed pretty normal. After waking up from a much needed jet-lag nap the city was bustling with people, helicopters, and the color orange everywhere you turned. Thousands upon thousands of people had filled the city by mid-day to celebrate the World Cup. Shouts and laughter filled the streets, and a concert was being set up right around the corner. It was beautiful madness; unlike anything I've ever seen. I had my camera near me ready to capture every moment.

I can still see it so clearly in my mind.

The streets were packed. The city looked gray against the people decked out in their bright orange attire. Down one particular street was a group of teenagers cheering and throwing their arms around each other as they made their way down the path. I had never seen so much happiness and joy emanate from a group like this before. They all moved as one, all high-fiving and hugging in unison, with smiles wider than the street they were walking on.

I stood there, watching this beautiful moment in time, debating whether or not I should take a picture of them. On one hand, it felt invasive. Like I would be intruding on them, stealing away a piece of their celebration with the click of my camera. On the other, in my gut, I knew I would never live to see anything like this again. It felt like I was in Time magazine. Like I was staring at the cover picture, living in the story.

I waited and waited and waited until I'd waited too long. Until the group ended up walking right past me without one single picture being taken.

It's a silly regret, I know. But on the scale of things that are important to me, who I am, and what makes me tick, it rates highly. To this day, I regret not having that moment captured for my own memories. To be able to look back and recall so clearly that beautiful moment of sheer bliss.

This is something I can't change. I can't go back in time. I can't recreate this particular piece of my history.

This is where the lesson comes in to play.

Debating on having a surgery or getting married or moving to a new state - those are big decisions that require a lot of time and research. Taking a picture, buying that antique dish at the French market, trying the Special of the Day at a place you'll never return to - those are the things I'm talking about. The small yet still important pieces of life that come only once and can never return again. The moments that say, "It's now or never. Which will you choose?"

Choose now.

Some pictures of the event that I didn't take, but that these lovely people did.

Telegraph

Pierre Crom

futbol.univision

NPR

The Reflection of Shadows: This Young Woman

The Reflection of Shadows

A collection of moments

I received my new PostSecret book in the mail the other day and I've been flipping through it's pages each night before I go to sleep. There's something about people coming together and sharing their secrets that is exquisite, that draws me in and makes me feel more connected to the world.

There are secrets of love and happiness and hope. Secrets of shame and guilt and fear. And then there are the secrets that get to me the most. The horrible, awful experiences others have endured. The confessions of having been raped, molested, or having such deep thoughts of suicide that you don't even know if the person who wrote the postcard you're reading gave themselves a chance to live another day or not.

Those are the secrets that keep me up at night. That make me question this world that we live in and the terrible things that happen.

I've always wanted to send in my own postcard but the truth is, ever since I started this blog, I no longer have a reason to. I share all of my secrets with you. That is a gift you have given me that I am truly grateful for.

When I first started writing poetry, it always came out very sad. I couldn't have written a happy poem if I wanted to, and I did. I tried repeatedly. But touching on the sad things in life was always easier for me to connect to, whether or not I had experienced them firsthand. However, because they were always so sad I never shared them. I kept them tight and cozy in my notebooks, safe from the question filled world.

This is one of those poems.

I wrote this when I was 14 and I hadn't yet even known anyone who had tried committing suicide. I wrote it one night for no specific purpose other than it felt like it should be written. It felt like something many someone's had pondered at one time or another in their life.

Leave Me Be
Society 6
Melia Metikos

This Young Woman

This young woman, who lightly draws a breath,

This young woman should not dream of death.

She should not be in fear, she should not fear in love,

She should not be in love with someone she can’t trust.

She should not hurt her friends, her friends should not hurt her.

She should never question her existence on this earth.

Her life is just confusion, just a visionary blur,

And with the consequences, it seems the less she learns.

She fights with everybody, the fights last so long,

She wants to keep repeating “You’ll be sorry when I’m gone.”

She knows she has a good life, with all that she’s done wrong,

But deep inside she has a fear that life won't last so long.

She wants to succeed, to make something of herself,

She doesn’t know where to turn or what choices she has left.

She worries about the world- the future, the past,

She worries that she’ll never find a love that really lasts.

She worries about money and whether she’ll survive,

Then she wonders, does it matter, will she be alive?

She knows she has so much love inside of her to share

But then she questions, does it matter, does anybody care?

She cries alone at night, she prays to find the way,

Every morning when she wakes nothing yet has changed.

This young woman, who knows not what is left,

In her life, this young woman should not dream of death.

If you struggle with depression or thoughts of suicide, please use this PostSecret resource list to get help. You don't have to be alone in your fight. There are people all over the world that you haven't even met yet that care about you. I know this because I'm one of them.

All Around the World: France and Monaco

Wanderlust: A very strong and irresistible impulse or desire to travel the world.

Hongkiat

France and Monaco

Chocolate croissants, lavender fields, cherries to die for, and amore all around you? Welcome to France!

The first time I went to France was shortly after my grandmother had passed away. I wasn't expecting to have the best time in my life, rather I was hoping to take my mind off of recent events. Paris, however, helped me heal in ways I hadn't expected. First of all, I had no choice but to laugh when I wound up staying at the edge of the Red Light District. Not on purpose, mind you, but more so due to a lack of thorough planning and research on where exactly the hotel was located. There's only so much sadness you can have when your hotel is right next to a bright red Sexodrome store.

My hotel, in blue. The sex store, in red.

Before we carry on with the magnificence of France, let's cover a few key things first:

Fact or Fiction: Everyone in France is rude.

• Fiction

I've been to France twice now and I've never had an issue. I've heard that it depends on where you are, whether you're in a more highly populated, thus more touristy area, or not. I've been to both and I've only ever met very nice people. However, I'm sure this all has to do with how we act while we're there, too. Regardless of what country you go to, as long as you go with a smile on your face, a respect for their culture, and kindness in your heart, you will always (or at least 99.9% of the time) meet friendly, kind, arms-wide-open people.

Fact or Fiction: If you're not good at speaking their language, don't do it. It will just insult them. 

• Fiction

Find a few key phrases and use them while you're there. It's the effort that counts. I highly suggest learning this key phrase: Ou son les toilettes? It's critical, trust me.

Fact or Fiction: The Eiffel Tower is amazing.

• Ohmygoodness FACT!

The Eiffel Tower might just be the most memorable and beautiful landmark I've seen to date. I was sure I was going to enjoy it, but I had no idea I would fall in complete and total love with it. The Tower is beautiful, amazing, glorious, breath-taking, all around WOW-ing.

The lovely view you see below is from the top of the Eiffel Tower. If you can, go on the tour offered and enjoy lunch at the restaurant in the Tower. Give yourself plenty of time to take in all the views.

Paris - Society 6

Black Lace - Society 6

While this will sound like a lot of work, I highly suggest you go see all of the sights during the day and then go back to them at night as well. Paris isn't called the City of Light for no reason. The two differences are, honestly, day and night. At night the city lights up with colors all around you and it genuinely feels different- magical. During the day you can see across the city for miles and get a better look at all the beauty Paris has to offer.

Everything You Imagined

You'd think someone who travels alone would be better at navigating, but no. I get lost going from one room in my house to the other, so when I say that the metro in Paris is easy to use, you know it has to be real easy. Like 5 year old operating easy. Not to mention how very Gothic and awesome the signs are.

Metropolitan - Society 6

Montmarte is my favorite area in the city to visit. There's something about it that makes you feel like you've just walked out of a big city and into a little slice of history heaven. The cobbled streets, the shops, the restaurants. It is pure magic.

Montmartre at Night

A trip to Paris isn't complete until you've seen all the sights, and that includes the Louvre. The museum is unlike anything I've ever been to. It feels like you walk out of one era and into the next, room after room. Of course, there's Mona Lisa to greet you and, well, that is just worth it all in itself.

A Dramatic Dusk - Society 6

The Raven and the Louvre

A visit to the Notre Dame is also highly suggested. Inside you'll find big magnificent chandeliers lighting up the interior. On the outskirts of it are vendors selling all kinds of French knick-knacks, but some sell pieces of art. I enjoyed looking at their art work as much as I did walking through this great cathedral.

Notre Dame

While there, why not get a look at Paris from underneath? The Catacombs of Paris do not disappoint. I've been on a similar tour in Italy and I must say these are 10x as impressive and 10x as spooky. Make sure you arrive early because the line for this can be incredibly long.

The Catacombs - Society 6

A day trip to Normandy may also be something you want to consider if you have enough time in your trip. Mont St. Michel is a UNESCO world heritage site for good reason. This monastery survived the Hundred Years' War and (calling all fellow nerds) was the inspiration for Minas Tirith in The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. If that doesn't get you there I don't know what will.

Mont St. Michel - Society 6

Nice is quite nice, if you ask me. For quite some time I've wanted to go to this popular destination but didn't have an opportunity until last year. I wish I had more time there, which would be my recommendation to you. I only spent a short day, but it deserves much more. The buildings alone are worth the time to stroll through the city. My favorite part, though? The antique market. Ohhhhhhh, the antique market! If only I had brought along a suitcase just for antiques. The range of items available was extraordinary. I've never seen so many timeless, beautiful things in one place before. If you're interested in going to see this specifically, double check when it's available because on certain days throughout the week it's a flower market.

French Antique Market - Society 6

Antique Market

Eze. A little place I never knew of before and now, will never forget. Not far from Nice (you could do both in one day), this little community that sets high on the hills offers views, food, and memories you'll want to capture while walking through the little streets browsing the spice carts or the art galleries.

When in Eze - Society 6

Walking through Eze

The view from on top

If there's one thing I love more than anything else about France (yes, even more than the Eiffel Tower) it's lavender fields. What can I say? It's the aromatherapist in me. Unfortunately, I was about 3 weeks early to the full blooming lavender fields so I had to settle for seeing two tiny ones from a distance. I can hardly complain, though. Look at this view! In fact, this was my favorite part of the trip last year.

Outside of Marseille Society 6

We went to the Luberdon region, a picture perfect area of Provence dotted with little villages everywhere. We stopped briefly at Lourmarin and Bonnieux before heading to my all time favorite place, Roussillon. This little village hosts the breathtaking views you see above along with the best meal I've ever had in my whole life. Seriously. We had lunch at Hotel Le Clos de la Glycine where you must absolutely, positively dine if you go there. While I may have missed lavender season, I was right in time for cherry season, the best surprise of the trip.

The cherries they served have ruined me for life and I'm not even kidding. I like cherries, a lot. But these cherries...these cherries are (to this day) the best thing I've ever eaten, ever. My mouth doesn't even know what to do with itself when I eat "normal" cherries now. My taste buds are all like, "Ooo, cherries! I get to eat cherries!!!" and then after it realizes they're not the same ones I had in France it gets depressed. Have you ever had depressed taste buds? It sucks. Everything goes bland, the world turns gray. It's awful. And it's all this restaurant's fault. Between the sweet, rich cherries and the homemade cherry compote I will never be the same.

The most amazing dessert in all of ever

Cherries that rock your world

I needed a moment to cope with the fact that I would never eat cherries this good again. I might have taken longer than the 5 minutes I promised. Maybe.

The only lavender fields I got to see. From a distance.

Paint Splatters - Society 6

On this trip we also took the opportunity to go to Monte Carlo, Monaco. Thanks to James Bond I expected a much larger place than I found, however, it was still quite spectacular. The wealth in this place is out of this world. I enjoyed my day there, but I also felt out of place. You know, being normal and not wealthy and all that jazz. I could afford gelato and a post card and that was about it.

Monaco - Society 6

It should also be noted that James Bond and his film crew are a bunch of liars. See this picture below? That's the Monte Carlo Casino. In the middle of town. It was squeezed in between a bunch of other buildings and not at all what I expected. We took the opportunity to go in and check it out and let me tell you, it looks nothing like what Casino Royale would have you believe, my friends. Unless there's a secret walled off room or basement or something (which, I suppose, there could be) they just made the whole doggone thing up. It is impressive, but it's also...small. Like, really small. Fancy, though. You can't even go in unless you're dressed up. And they are serious about security there in ways I've never seen at American casinos. If you want to check it out be sure to leave your bags at the hotel and dress in your Sunday best.

The Monte Carlo Casino

If you ever have the chance to go to these places, take it. Don't hesitate for one single second. The world is a beautiful, magical place that deserves our awe.

The Reflection of Shadows: The Plan

The Reflection of Shadows

A collection of moments

If you've been reading my blog for awhile you know how much of a planner and a to-do list maker I am. I love mapping out my week and organizing absolutely everything I can get my hands on the same way some people love normal things, like chocolate.

Sometimes I have to reminder myself that life should also be filled with spontaneous moments and unscheduled sing-to-your-dog breaks. These are the things that make life truly beautiful.

Days Gone By
Society 6
Melia  Metikos

The Plan

Life was no journey, it was a plan,

Laid out for me by my very own hands.

Designed and constructed,

So safe and so sound,

Life was no journey, it was a plan.

Life was so boring, it was so plain,

All of my planning and thinking in vain.

Nothing and no one

Could pull me away.

Life was so boring, it was so plain.

Life is much better, now that I'm free.

No map and no compass to navigate me.

No pavement or guidelines,

Just dirt roads and breeze,

Life is much better, now that I'm free.