Monday, May 2, 2016

Monday Mantra: What Remains Behind

mantra is a sound, syllable, word, or group of words that is considered capable of "creating transformation".

Every Monday I will post a new thought, idea, or focus for the week. When you need a breather from life, when you need a little inspiration, or when you're about to jump over the conference table and strangle your co-worker, remember the mantra.


Monday Mantra: Find strength in what remains behind

Society6
Lostfog co.
There's a pile of papers to my left that I need to sort through, catch up on, organize. There's a camera full of pictures that I need to load and delete, just so I can take more and then start this whole process over again. There's a couple of dogs laying next to me that need a good, long walk (and at least one who needs a bath- stat). There are emails to respond to and expenses to bill and final travel plans to secure. There are plans to make this week around picking up my friend from the airport and driving 3 hours out of town to attend a funeral of another friend who died unexpectedly. There's my brain, which is not quite functioning properly because of all of this.

I wasn't as close to this friend as others were and I don't want to act like my pain is somehow as equal or significant as theirs. I was closer to some of the other people who are suffering right now, which is heartbreaking in an entirely different way. Best friends broken and trying to figure out how to piece together the new reality of their life that shattered so suddenly. That I know, that place- I've been there before. I know what it's like to have a friend pass away suddenly, too young, with too much life left to live. I know this kind of heartbreak. It's overwhelming, unbelievable, devastating. It is a mixture of disbelief, anger, shock. It is a constant game of acceptance and denial at what life has given you.

I don't want to make this about me because it's not. This isn't really even about her. I wouldn't dare try and sum up her life when so many others were closer to her and when so many have already said beautiful things. This, instead, is for everyone who has been left behind. For all the everyone's that are always left behind.

For a while, for a time, you may want to cage your heart. You may want to lock it up and keep it safe and guard it ever so closely. You may decide to do this because even the gentlest breeze that blows might seem like too much- like it could tip you and your entire world over. Like any single memory that blows through your mind might be the one that undoes you. You wouldn't be entirely wrong.

You might, on the other hand, choose to charge head first into everything that is coming your way. You may want to remember every moment, relive every laugh, open your heart and let it break, piece by piece, memory by memory. This may feel better. This may be what you need.

They say time heals all wounds. I've found this to be both a truth and a lie.

There are times when it will be easy. There are times when it won't. There are times when you will be in such a state of disbelief that you will negotiate with God at almost any cost to change what you've come to know is true, yet can't accept.

There will be times when your memory fails you. When you forget how they looked, how they sounded. There will be times when you will remember the exactness of every detail that made them who they were.

You will find pieces of the person everywhere you turn- in nature, songs, stories. For a time, they will be all you can think about. But then, without even realizing it, you will forget. You will let go of the loss and the heartache and you won't realize it. Until you do. Until you remember. And then all you'll do for a time is remember and remember and remember.

This pattern of remembering and forgetting - it will hurt you, it will heal you, it will become a new normal. It will fade, it will lessen, but it will still remain. You will still remain. You - with all of your broken, sad, happy memories pieced together - you will remain. You will overcome. You will be stronger and braver and better, eventually, better.

Cage your heart or let it break open completely. Or, perhaps, find another way. Find comfort in the time you had together and don't beat yourself up for all the could've/would've/should've thoughts that we all get in times like this. Be grateful for every little thing, every little memory, that remains.

"Though nothing can bring back the hour, of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower; we will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind." - William Wordsworth



Friday, April 29, 2016

The Reflection of Shadows: Halos

The Reflection of Shadows
A collection of moments
Society6


Halos

                                    You can lie to yourself.
                                          Deny your heart.
                                                Block your memories.
                                                    You can build wall after wall after wall,
                                                                              But…
                                       The truth will leak through the cracks that form over time.

                                     You will feel a sudden rush- unrecognizable at first,
                                           But eventually you will become
                                                                  Unsettled-
                                                                        In memories,
                                                                        In change.
                                                                        In doubt.

                                   You will remember:
                                         What we used to be.
                                              What we no longer are.
                                                      How our halos have tilted,
                                                          Dulled,
                                                              Darkened…
                                                                   Shadowed our faces.

You will remember:
Once we were angels.



Monday, April 25, 2016

Monday Mantra (National Poetry Month Special Edition): To A Stranger

mantra is a sound, syllable, word, or group of words that is considered capable of "creating transformation".

Every Monday I will post a new thought, idea, or focus for the week. When you need a breather from life, when you need a little inspiration, or when you're about to jump over the conference table and strangle your co-worker, remember the mantra.


Monday Mantra: Be kind to one another
Society6
Sweet Colors Gallery

This world can feel big and overwhelming. It can feel scary and strange. It can also feel warm, loving, and kind. The difference in the way we view the world lies in the way we view each other. 

If we are afraid of one another because of our differences, if we judge without first understanding, if we choose a close mind over an open heart, the world will not just feel big and overwhelming and scary- it will become that. 

If, on the other hand, we remain open to others perspectives, we choose kindness over ill-placed convictions, and we genuinely look for the good in each other, the world will become a place we can all live in together and unafraid.


To A Stranger

If you only knew the things I’ll never say,
The visions in my head that play out every day.
If you only knew all of my regrets,
The things I can’t undo, the words I should have said.
If you only knew the disaster that I feel,
The worst mistake of all that holds my future still.
If you only knew the things I’ll never say,
The words that can’t escape that I hold in every day.
If you only knew the thoughts that I can’t share,
Afraid that you might walk away these thoughts stay hidden here.




Friday, April 22, 2016

The Reflection of Shadows: She's Going to Change the World

The Reflection of Shadows
A collection of moments
Society6

She's Going to Change the World

I’m going to change the world,
I’m going to change your mind,
I’m going to change the pleasures and pains
That bring so much strain to your life.

I’m going to change the world,
I’m going to heal the sick,
I’m going to bring comfort and peace to the mothers
That scream for the children they miss.

I’m going to change the world,
I’m going to mend your heart,
I’m going to love you, bring you some comfort
Until finally the emptiness parts.

I’m going to change the world,
I’m going to open your eyes,
I’m going to show you the things that are folded
And hidden away in the lies.

I’m going to change the world,
I’m going to start with you,
I’m going to take you, rattle you, shake you
Until you wake up to the truth.