Friday, October 21, 2016

The Reflection of Shadows: Remember When

The Reflection of Shadows
A collection of moments

Remember When

Remember when you used to care?
I don’t,
Because it wasn’t there.
I don’t,
Because it wasn’t shown.
I don’t,
Because I cared alone.

Remember when we stood as one?
I don’t,
Because you left me numb.
I don’t,
Because you stepped aside.
I don’t,
Because you didn’t try.

Remember when we made a pact?
I don’t,
Because it didn’t last.
I don’t,
Because you never tried.
I don’t,
Because your words were lies.

Remember when you thought you won?
I don’t,
Because I left our home.
I don’t,
Because you never tried
I don’t,
Because I left our life.

Monday, October 17, 2016

Creating Your Own Reality

Hi Friends - Running out of time this week, so leaving you with some stories for deep thought and reflection.

The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying
By Sogyal Rinpoche

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hope in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost...I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall's habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

Creation: A Sioux Story
Author unknown, source unknown

The Creator gathered all of Creation and said, "I want to hide something from the humans until they are ready for it. It is the realization that they create their own reality."

The eagle said, "Give it to me, I will take it to the moon."

The Creator said, "No. One day they will go there and find it."

The salmon said, "I will bury it in the bottom of the ocean."

"No. They will go there too."

The buffalo said, "I will bury it on the Great Plains."

The Creator said, "They will cut into the skin of the earth and find it even there."

Grandmother mole, who lives in the breast of Mother Earth, and who has no physical eyes but sees with spiritual eyes, said, "Put it inside of them."

And the Creator said, "It is done."

Friday, October 14, 2016

The Reflection of Shadows: It's a Beautiful Day

The Reflection of Shadows
A collection of moments

It's a Beautiful Day

It's a beautiful day, but I can't see it-
Eyes shut tight
That keep in secrets.
I see no colors,
See no sights-
All I sense is shifting light.

It's a beautiful song, but I can't hear it-
Mouths move silent
Though I'm near them.
Hear no laughter,
Hear no songs,
This silence, I hear all alone.

It's a beautiful day, but I can't praise it-
Sunlight streaming,
I can't explain it.
Can't rejoice,
I can't jump in,
My words are caught and stuck within.

It's a beautiful day, I can't enjoy it-
Frozen limbs
No longer function.
I can't run circles,
Can't jump high,
I sit and watch the world pass by.

It's a beautiful life, I know, I feel it-
Deep inside
I sense its stillness.
Sense the laughter,
Sense the light,
I sense the things you shut out tight.

This beautiful life, get up and live it-
Sacred moments.
Precious seconds.
Don't sit idly,
The time is here,
Don't let these chances disappear.

Monday, October 10, 2016

Monday Mantra: Disclaimer of Sorts

mantra is a sound, syllable, word, or group of words that is considered capable of "creating transformation".

Every Monday I will post a new thought, idea, or focus for the week. When you need a breather from life, when you need a little inspiration, or when you're about to jump over the conference table and strangle your co-worker, remember the mantra.

Monday Mantra: Easy to find what's wrong, harder to find what's right - Breaking Benjamin
Society6  - WORDS BRAND
*Applies to pretty much everything. While supplies last (like, forever). No limit per person. May be combined with "dude" or "man" to indicate complete apathy. Subject to use when I'm wrong without actually admitting it. Or, as a passive-aggressive alternative to "Ef You." Whatever. Provided "as is" and "as if" so, uh, take it or leave it. Results may vary (but I really don't care). Terms and conditions may apply.

Confession: I have been very, very, very cranky lately. I'd like to blame the never ending summer heat, but I can't because I'm a grown up and I need to be responsible and whatever. I'm trying my damnedest to manage it (which spurred the post last week), but there are days when I am just one tiny step away from ending up on the nightly news.

First of all, I have way too much on my plate. I need at least two personal assistants and several clones if I'm going to make it through the holidays. While some of the stress is out of my hands, I admit some is also self inflicted. The Fiance calls me The Machine. He said he's never seen anyone who can get as much done as I can in any given amount of time. This is a blessing and a curse, though. Sometimes, after days of Getting It Done, all I can do is succumb to the silent yet sweet whispers of my sofa, beckoning me to sit for a while and Netflix myself to near death. 

There's this whole getting married business, too. Wedding planning is going great, but The Fiance is seriously asking for a good punch in the face right now. I mean, I love him, but I am not opposed to a brawl. Every time someone asks him how the wedding plans are going he either acts like he has no idea what's going on (he does) or like it's a lot of work for him (IT IS NOT! I am doing everything!). He's so funny. HAHAHAHA. (Does he want to live to see the wedding? I think not.)

So, that's it, guys. Just a whole lot of venting and stupidity on my end.

And this- my disclaimer.

As you already know, I'm not perfect. I hope I never appear that way on here because it would be a gigantic lie. I'm a continuous work in progress. I am human, I will fail, I have failed. I will continue to fail. I will make mistakes. I will write about trying to manage anger one week and then admit the next that I'm this close to losing my damn mind. I will never be perfect, but I will always be honest.

Also, this blog is a continuous work in progress, as well. Sometimes, I'll have this "great" idea that I'll put all this time and energy into, and then I'll completely abandon it because I got bored/it was lame/whatever. Example: The Book of Secrets...still mostly a secret. I've given up, y'all. There are so many secrets and it takes too much time. You'll probably get more out of it if you read it yourself (assuming you even know/remember what I'm talking about).

What I said/did/wrote about five years ago will and has changed, because I have changed. I will continue to change. I will learn new things and new ways and continue opening my mind to anything and everything possible in this world. What I said once upon a time, well, I might feel a little differently about now. But that's growth. That's evolution of one's self.

That's my disclaimer; that who I am today might change a little bit tomorrow, but hopefully always for the better. And in those moments when I'm failing to be my best self, well, tomorrow is another day.

Here's also hoping that I won't end up in jail because my crankiness overtook my sanity when someone at the grocery store pushed me too far. We shall see.

Have a nice week! :)

Friday, October 7, 2016

The Reflection of Shadows: We Are Made From Love

The Reflection of Shadows
A collection of moments

We Are Made From Love

I come from a place of love, not fear-
I come from a place of love.

I come from a place of love, not fear-
I come from a place of love.

I come from a place where the water’s deep,
Where the sound of the ocean puts your mind to sleep,
I come from a place of hope and peace,
I come from a place of love.

Monday, October 3, 2016

Monday Mantra: Anger Management

mantra is a sound, syllable, word, or group of words that is considered capable of "creating transformation".

Every Monday I will post a new thought, idea, or focus for the week. When you need a breather from life, when you need a little inspiration, or when you're about to jump over the conference table and strangle your co-worker, remember the mantra.

Monday Mantra: You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger - Gautama Buddha

Anger is such a lazy emotion. It's easy to be angry. It's effortless, boring. Common.

It hits you hard and quick and the simplest, most convenient response is to go with it. To ride the red dragon of this feeling, letting it burn through everything in your path. Everything including all of the other options you have before you.

Anger, in most cases, is a destructive waste of time.

If you choose to unleash this emotion - if you choose to fuel the fires within - remember this: the person who will ultimately suffer the most is you. It may not seem like it at the time, but anger is not just destructive to those you unleash it upon. It is destructive to you in ways you won't even see coming until it's too late.

If, on the other hand, you choose to harness the fiery inferno blooming inside and transform it into something of greater good, not only will the recipients of your anger be thankful, but you too will find a greater benefit. Yes- you have chosen a harder, more challenging path, but ah, therein lies the greater victory. There's nothing quite as rewarding as mastering yourself.

Compassion and understanding and kindness- these require real work in the face of anger. 

Real courage. Real effort.

Anger is a lazy emotion. 

You, my friends, are better than lazy. I am too.

Friday, September 30, 2016

The Reflection of Shadows: Rupture

The Reflection of Shadows
A collection of moments


What happens when a heart breaks?
The dreams come spilling out.
The preconceived convictions
Of who belongs and how.
The hurt, the pain, the anger-
They wall up all the fear. 

The person that you think you know is suddenly not here.

Monday, September 26, 2016

In the World of Wellness: Know Thyself

In the World of Wellness: Get to know yourself a little better

"There's always going to be part of me that's sloppy & dirty, but I like that, with all of the other parts of myself. Can you say the same about yourself fucker?"
Jennifer Lawrence as Tiffany; Silver Linings Playbook

Samantha Zaruba

Wellness isn't just about what you eat, how much exercise you get, or what cleanse you tried last week. Wellness is about your mind, your emotions- knowing yourself. It's about having awareness of who you are and what makes you think, feel, and act the way you do.

Here are some free online tests (that I have personally tried and tested) to help you get to know yourself a little better.

The Enneagram System 
You know how personality tests are: you can always connect with at least part of what the results say about who you are, but the other half...not so much. Well, this one's probably the best I've personally ever tried. It's a little complicated, but once you read through it you'll be fine. Trust me.

The Enneagram System helps you better understand your specific personality as it relates to the nine personality traits believed to be the most distinct in individuals. It's designed to help you find your most domineering personality trait. That being said, you'll find that you may have characteristics in some of the eight other areas as well, as all are interconnected to each other. This will show up in what they refer to as wings, or parts of your personality that branch off into other areas.

Once I had my results I could, rather clearly, see how I would fall into the areas I did. In fact, I agreed with the test. Then I had The Fiance take the test; his results were shockingly accurate as well. On the Enneagram Institute site you can also find out what your compatibility is with other Enneagram types, so of course I had to do that next. Once again, I was pretty blown away. I compared us both and it was ridiculously appropriate.

I've taken many, many tests like this- everything from the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator to the Gallup Strengths Finder to "What Color/Bird/Shape Are You?" I've done it all and this is the best, in my opinion.

Take the test here and read this very helpful overview.

Project Implicit Bias Testing by Harvard
After having a great diversity and inclusion talk with my Work Husband, I went looking for tests that would better help me understand my unconscious influences. What does that mean, you may be wondering? It means that no matter how well we think we know ourselves, the way we react and look at the world may very well be biased because of our perceptions. Everything from childhood memories to how we saw certain behaviors modeled has shaped our perspectives- and we aren't even aware of it or how that plays out in the way we think and act every single day.

What types of things might you be implicitly biased about? A lot more than you may expect. You may hold unconscious biases toward people of certain age groups or based on their weight, or even because of United States Presidents. That last part boggled your mind a little bit, right?

Take a variety of tests offered here and get to know yourself a whole heck of a lot better.