Friday, July 29, 2011

Dear Journal...

Dear Journal,

This week started out like any other. Wake up, go to work, laugh at my OBFF (Office Best Friend Forever) and repeat. Then Wednesday rolled around.

My OBFF and I were working on our new Instant Messaging techniques which consists of writing on a sticky note, crumpling it up and then tossing it over the cube wall to the other person with the goal of hitting them in the head. My OBFF, although strange and probably not from this planet, is one of the funniest people I know. I don't know how I survived work before him but I do know he has helped me tone down my workaholic-ism, which is good. Anyway, the Instant Messaging was going well until it suddenly wasn't.

At one point I was flagged down with a look from him that said "Well?!?" to which I then realized meant I was missing an IM. I looked everywhere only to discover it was in my hair (Note to Self: Don't wear hair down on IM days). I promptly returned the message to avoid further harassment from him. Several minutes later I hear a "Psst....PSSSST!" coming from around my wall. I go over to see what his commotion is all about and find out he has now lost our IM. Sheesh. This new system may not be so great after all...

Anyway, he can't find it anywhere. Anywhere! He starts showing me all the places he looked and when he turns around I discover what he's been missing - the IM landed in his pants, more precisely inbetween the belt area and where his shirt tucks in. I immediately erupt into laughter and hit him on the arm. Several moments later, when I calm myself and my chuckles down, I explain to him that he needs to check his pants. The look I got was priceless. He finally figures it out and we resume our communication.

Then my OBFF and another co-worker decide they want to go to Whole Foods for lunch, my favorite waste-your-time-looking-at-vegetables store ever. I could spend an entire day there. I am thrilled. We have it all planned to head out at noon, however, they get done with a call early so we leave just a little after 11am. The sooner I get to happy land, the better. Plus,  I'm on a mission to find this trail mix that I so dearly love for my boss who hasn't been able to find it thus far. Woo! Let's go.

Half way to Whole Foods my OBFF says to me "Hey, were you supposed to be on a call at 11:30?"


Yes. Yes I was supposed to be on a call at 11:30, my call. My call that I set up on my outlook calendar with my boss and another person. I hit the dashboard with my hand and, as I'm doing so, our other coworker, who's car it is that I just hit, is now giving me a look that says she's fearing for the safety of her car. I hit a couple more things for good measure and to help rid myself of the turmoil building inside. Doggone it! What's worse is that I can't even join the call now because I have a regular, boring, no information-that-I-need-like-call-reminders cell phone. I have no way of knowing the info without my computer at this point.

I text my boss a message that says, and this is word for word almost exactly, except for those words that should not be seen by children:

"Aggggghhhh!!!!! Well I am just going to crawl under a rock and die now. I'm buying your lunch, it's the least I can do for bailing on my own call. Would you also like a magazine? Dessert? Anything??? Ugh..."

We arrive at our destination and I attempt to get hit in the parking lot so as to not have to live this down. You know, just end my misery now. I do buy her lunch but I cannot locate the trail mix, unfortunately, my whole reason for going. I failed at life this day.

The whole way back to the office my co-workers are trying to calm me down. Well, one of them is. My OBFF keeps traumatizing me with fake calls from the people scheduled on my call. "Hey, yeah, she's busy at Whole Foods looking for granola, she can't make her call, OK? Got a problem with that?" I am a disaster as my need to do good at everything has just been crushed by no other person than myself. We go upstairs and I attempt to hide from life.  My boss sees me and starts laughing. I have a really great boss, thank goodness. However, my boss and my OBFF are old friends and the two of them ganged up on me for the remainder of the day.

Later, my OBFF creates a demotivational poster that reads:

Power: You gotta call a meeting, make everybody change their schedule around, and then cancel it at the last minute. Why? Because you can. 

Except I just bailed on mine completely...close enough. The only thing I had left to say at this point was best said originally by Sue Sylvester from Glee:

"I will no longer be carrying around photo ID. Know why? People should know who I am."

And that journal is how my Wednesday concluded. The weekend cannot get here soon enough...

Ever do something really dumb at work? Like me? Say yes, it will make me feel better.

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Have you ever had a horrible, terrible, miserably awful kind of a day, only to have it saved by a random stranger and a few nice words? I've experienced this more than once and every single time it catches me off guard, in a good way, like a little reminder that everything will be fine and all is well.

A long time ago I was in a grocery store on my lunch break and was basically milling around until it was time to go back to hell, uh, work...I mean work. Right, work. It was the worst of the worst days. I was getting ready to leave the store when a  women walked up to me, smiled, and told me I was the prettiest girls she had ever seen. I was so caught up in my gray and dreary thoughts that I didn't even know what to do. I mumbled something along the lines of a hello-thank you and she graciously saved me from not talking by continuing on the conversation by herself. She kept talking a little bit and as I grew more aware of her happy, sunny light, I suddenly stopped feeling horrible about my situation. In under 5 minutes a complete stranger had saved my day.

Sometimes we need little reminders that life is good, that the sun is still shining and that people are genuinely kind. One of the best ways to remind yourself of these things is to put up little notes in places like the bathroom mirror or your fridge, as those are the two places you look at or go to most often. That way every single time you open the fridge door you see your little piece of inspiration reminding you to have a good day, to keep trying, to do whatever it is or feel whatever it is that you want.

I discovered these amazing and enlightening magnets at Barnes and Noble, my favorite place in the entire world, and keep adding to them as I find new ones that feel just right for me. You can find them here. I put them on my fridge and every time I go to get water or food there they are, reminding me not to give up, to keep believing, to forge ahead.

To name a few: "Shake the tree of life itself and bring down fruits unheard of", "When you're going through hell...keep going",  along with a quote from Alice in Wonderland and another by Helen Keller.

"I may appear harmless
but inside I'm
completely badass"
I also have this little gem on there because really, aren't we all a little badass?

Yes, yes we are.

Now, here is your "magnet" for the day:

YOU are one-of-a-kind, unique and exceptional.
YOU cannot be replaced.
YOU were meant to do something wonderful and
YOU will.

Believe it. This is your reminder.

Find all the magnets your heart desires at

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The Aliens and Me - Take Two

Ever since my recent movie encounter with aliens I haven't been able to get enough of the Ancient Aliens TV show and alien type things in general. I blame part of this on the fact that my hometown is near Snowflake, home of a legendary alien abduction true story kind of movie. That being said, I must have a pension for insomnia and terror because why I subject myself to this continually, I don't know, but I've come up with some ideas that I think we need to work on.

The episode that was on Ancient Aliens was all about crop circles and aliens trying to contact us. My first thought - Why hasn't anyone ever written back? I mean it. I am half way tempted to go borrow someone's corn crop in the hopes that I get a "sign" so that I can write back. I would hire those two guys who said they've been making the signs all these years and right next to the alien's symbol I would have them write:

"Hi! What?" with an arrow pointing to their sign. I might even have them throw in a smiley face. Then I'd wait to see what happened.

Maybe they don't realize we have no clue what they're saying. Just because they're super smart and have flying machines does not mean they know everything. I'm certain there is just a language barrier issue going on and with the right techniques we could work around it.

Also, maybe we need to quit making so many mean movies about them. Not only would that solve my problem of wanting to watch those movies and then losing sleep, but I'm just saying... if I was an alien and there were a zillion movies about me killing all of humankind I would probably not want to ever let you know I was here or, if I did,  I would attempt to let you know but then run for fear of being shot.

Last week I watched I Am Number Four and I suddenly felt much better about the whole alien thing. I mean, if aliens exist I would like to think they're just like us in the sense that there are good and bad ones, just like people. I would just want the good ones to come say hello instead of the man eating kind. I would have no issues with the nice ones whatsoever. In fact, I would love to have an alien friend. I'm sure they would have great stories to tell and traveling would be way, way easier. Imagine how fast we could get from point A to point B with their fancy little UFO's. No more waiting at the airport is A-Okay with me.

So there you have it. I feel like I've almost completely gotten over the terror instilled in me from watching The Fourth Kind and can now move on in my life with thoughts of happy, friendly aliens that do not want to freak my mind out with owl trickery.

Do you have any movies that freak you out? Or maybe even an alien I can make friends with?

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Thursday, July 28, 2011


We all have favorite authors that we connect to more than others. For me, it's Edgar Allan Poe.

I used to sit in class and memorize versus from Alone until I had it perfected. I think, had we lived in the same era, he and I would've been friends. I can understand his depth, his darkness. I am genuinely drawn to darker poems and I find those much easier to write as well. Something about writing it down and getting it out just makes everything seem better, no matter what it is, no matter if it's my pain or someone else's.

I used to think there had to be at least a little sadness in me to be able to write a poem and I thought that was so... so sad all in itself. Then I found this quote and I decided that I was happy for any sadness that was a part of me if it let me do the thing that I love and if it made anyone, even just one person, feel something.

A poet is an unhappy being whose heart is torn by secret sufferings, but whose lips are so strangely formed that when the sighs and the cries escape them, they sound like beautiful music... and then people crowd about the poet and say to him:  "Sing for us soon again;" that is as much as to say, "May new sufferings torment your soul."  ~Soren Kierkegaard

Sometimes it's like the words appear to me out of thin air and I can see them just floating there, waiting to be put on paper. Sometimes the poem turns into a song as a tune in my head forms. Sometimes I know the last stanza before the first one has been revealed. Regardless, if there is anything I love doing with all of my heart, it's this.

It's scary, to let people see this, because some of it's like a road map to my innermost thoughts, but at the same times it's freeing. Since it's poetry, though, it's meant to be a mystery for you to solve and for you to make fit your own life story. That's what I love about it. Poetry invokes something different in everyone and none of it is wrong.

I have an entire book written that I just need to pretty-up and send out, but for now, you, my dear readers, are the one's that get to see everything. So here are some poems - happy, sad, hopeful. Long and short, old and new

All I know is What I Feel

All I know is what I feel,
And what I feel
Is real
Is real
It's here
It’s here
It’s now
It’s now
I am not lost-
I’m found
I’m found

I have not quit, I have not bled
For all I know
Is how to live
For this
For this
For now
For now
I am not lost-
I’m found
I’m found

I am not broken, am not weak
My greatest strength
To speak
To speak
For all
I love
For all
I know
I must not quit-
Have hope
Have hope

To be a poet is a condition, not a profession.  ~Robert Frost

Fight For Me

Find me.
Fight for me.
Don’t let me go.
The road is winding,
The pace is slow.
I sit here waiting.
I will not go.
So find me.
Fight for me.
Don’t let me go.

Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.  ~Carl Sandburg

Thinking, Feeling, Breathing, Hearing 

Overcrowded, overflowing
Seven million thoughts abound,
Not one moment can I sit here
Lingering where nothings found,
One more breath, one more moment
Focus, focus, fizzle out
Sounds are ruining my silence,
Thoughts of who and when and how
Sit up straighter, find the missing,
Searching out where nothing is
Everything has found me quicker,
Overwhelmed, my mind gives in

Poetry is nearer to vital truth than history.  - Plato 

You Sleep When I Don't (Song)

Here I go again,
Emotions overload and then... no signs of hope again.
I'm broken,
I'm broken

I fake a smile,
It lasts a little while...I’ve fallen in denial.
I'm broken,
I'm broken

You sleep when I don’t, when I’m damaged and broken
Fighting back all the tears,
I’m choking.
I’m choking.
I muffle the cries, in the pillows at my sides
I suffocate my life in,
These moments.
These moments.
You sleep when I don’t,
When I’m damaged and broken
On my tears I am choking.

You sleep when I don’t, when I can’t...
When I won’t.

The scientist has marched in and taken the place of the poet. But one day somebody will find the solution to the problems of the world and remember, it will be a poet, not a scientist. ~ Frank Lloyd Wright

You Can't Affect Me

You can’t affect me
I’m far too strong
I’m disconnected
From my thoughts
I lost connection
Didn’t fight
I let the darkness
Take the light
You cannot reach me
Please don’t try
I like the shadows
In my life
I like the headache
Favor pain
I prefer
The harder way
You’re not the answer
To my problem
Not my savior
For the solving
I wont give in
I’ve found the night
It’s where I find
The most delight

You can't affect me
I’m not here
I put up walls
To disappear
I left my spirit
Left my life
Left my future
All behind
You cannot reach me
Just give up
I don’t recall
A time of love
I don’t remember
Joy or peace
I broke away
From life’s long lease
You’re not the answer
To my question
Leave me here
In self division
Let me go
And let me break
For this is how
I find escape

Poetry is not a turning loose of emotion, but an escape from emotion; it is not the expression of personality,
but an escape from personality. But, of course, only those who have personality and emotions know
what it means to want to escape from these thing. - T.S. Eliot


The wind keeps blowing
The clouds are churning
The circles forming
And the dust is stirring

The storms getting forceful
It’s stronger
It’s closer

But if you take a moment
To gaze into its center
Surrounded by the madness
Is a peaceful, calm surrender

Poets are soldiers that liberate words from the steadfast possession of definition- Eli Khamaro

When You Left

Through the woods and through the trees
When shadows came upon my eaves
The sky was overcast by you
In shades of purple, gray and blue

Through the darkness and the pain
Through emotions I can’t name
Swallowed whole, engulfed, submerged
In the depths of your last words

My breath quiet, shallow, thin
Until I felt a stir within
All I knew is what I’d lost
The day you made my heartbeats stop

Every smile, every moment
Everything that made me someone
All my joy was bound in you
So when you left you took that, too

To a poet, silence is an acceptable response, even a flattering one. - Unknown

Take me by the Hand, We’ll Walk

Take me by the hand, we’ll walk
Down the tattered path of love
Lead me into darkened woods
Teach we with your sweet, sweet words
Tell me all is right and true
Never doubt my love for you
Lie and tell me I’m okay
Tell me what you’d never say
I can't be the one you want
I am real and you are not
Leave me in this state of mind
Where I’ll convince myself I’m fine
Lead me on and cast me off
Leave me on this tattered path
I will stand here all alone
Glued to every stick and stone
Admitting now in such a game
I want a man that has no name
Gentle hands with loving touch
Words that shatter every crutch
A romance filled with zest and spice
To free me from this hollow life

A true poet does not bother to be poetical. Nor does a nursery gardener scent his roses.- Jean Cocteau

No One but Me
If nothing and no one
(And no one but me)
Can guide me and find me
And set myself free
If all of my worries
And all of my doubts
Would just go away
I would figure me out

Who's your favorite author?

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Pieces of Me, Pieces of You

I'm feeling...restless, so I thought I'd try something a little new tonight. I took some lyrics from quite a few different songs and blended them all together. Anyway, my first attempt at anything like this, but it was fun.

The words are taken from various songs in various eras. You might even recognize some of them...

Pieces of Me, Pieces of You

One of these days the sky's gonna break
And everything will escape
And I'll know
I’ll know
Seems that I have been held
In some dreaming state
I twist in the waking world
Never quite awake
Not awake
I learned to live half alive
River in flames, cities on fire
Shut your eyes
Shut your eyes
If I could start again, a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
Somehow, someway
I lay down, on the cold, cold ground
A million miles away
And I pray
I pray

I’m so cold, I’m so cold, I’m so cold
I’m so cold, I’m so cold, I’m so cold
You bleed just to know you’re alive
Forfeit all my lives to get just one right
Just one
Just one right
No more waking up to innocence
Say hello to hesitance
To everyone I meet
Everyone I meet
This silence is golden
I used to think that silence was golden
Silence is golden
I used to think that silence was golden
But I need to hear some sounds
That recognize the pain in me, yeah
The pain in me
But these are only walls that hold me here
I have nothing left to fear
I’ve got the right to disappear
I’ve got the right to disappear

Monday, July 25, 2011

Music To Move To

I am just all about the music right now! Have you ever worked out to classical or just instrumental music at the gym, because if you haven't, I highly recommend it. A totally different experience. I don't love walking aimlessly on a treadmill headed to nowhere, but when it's two zillion degrees in the summer I have no choice but to walk inside where there's air conditioning. Sometimes I shut my eyes and everything becomes easier. More peaceful, slow and quiet, yet certain. When I open them time has flown by and I'm done.

This is what's been playing on my iPod lately.  Not only is he amazing, but his name is just way too much fun to say as well.

Ladies and gentleman, Ludovico Einaudi.



Lady Labyrinth

And my two favorites that got me hooked on his work...

A Fuoco


Sunday, July 24, 2011


New song. Now to make the tune come to life on the piano...


Where did you go?
Where have you been?
Oh, what have I missed?
I left you scared
I left you alone
I went running from my home

Now I’m broken
I’m done
I tried
Oh, I learned
Oh, I loved
But it wasn’t enough...
And I’m done

You’ve grown so much
You’ve grown so strong
I don’t recognize you at all
I left this town
I left this life
I took off, I took my time

Now I’m done
I’m here
I wonder
If you care
I won’t speak
I cannot ask
For you to forgive my past
So I’m numb

This is our story
This is our dream
Maybe a nightmare haunting my sleep
It’s too, too late
I can’t go back
I’m missing what we never had

So I’m numb
I’m bound
To questions
To doubts
I can’t cry
Not one more tear
For all I want, is all I fear

So I’m done
I am numb
I am broken
There’s no love
I can’t stop
I can’t go
You’ve grown distant
You’ve grown cold
I am alone

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One of These Days...

Love, love, love this song...

Friday, July 22, 2011

The Kindness Chronicles - These are the Rules

Last night while I was laying in bed I was re-thinking a conversation I had with a friend. We were talking about how we aren't always happy with ourselves. Everyone has those moments but unfortunately we have them a lot more than we should. I hate them. I hate every single one of them. If there is anything I want to accomplish in this life, it's to get rid of those moments and not just for myself, but for all of you as well.

Personally I can attest to the fact that it's not easy. After all of my studying and all of my own self work, I still have those doggone, dreaded moments. I still judge myself too harshly or wish I could "walk the walk" a little more easily without sometimes stumbling along the way. I've taken hundreds of hours of health and well being classes, literally,  and I still have rough days. Although, comparatively speaking, if you put my old thought patterns next to my new ones you would see a huge difference. My bad days are few and far between and I am more happy with who I am now than I ever was before, but still. Those little buggers creep up on me and hit me out of nowhere.

All I really want for all of us is to be able to move past those. To be able to accept ourselves just as we are and to banish the negative thoughts as much as is humanly possible. Deep down all I know is that to move forward we have to quit looking back, and to improve the world view of things we have to first improve our own.

While thinking about all of this last night I started to wonder...when did it get so hard to take good care of ourselves? When did living, the thing every single one of us has in common, get so complicated?When did we all transition from accepting ourselves just the way we are in this moment, to hating our bodies, our lives, our decisions and then repeatedly beating ourselves up for choices we make?

Back in the day, shall I say, before we had TV and video games and dishwashers and twelve million food products in the grocery store aisles, we were a healthier bunch of people. Exercise wasn't something you had to schedule in to your day because you did it all day long without even realizing it. You plowed your field and grew your own vegetables, washed the dishes and laundry by hand, did all kinds of outdoor activities everyday because there was nothing more entertaining inside the house to do, and went to bed at a decent hour because you were so incredibly tired from all of your daily labors that staying up late wasn't even an option.

Now we have to add exercise in to our already way too long daily list of to-do's. We have to consult food specialists because we need their services to tell us what we need to do, even though deep down inside some part of us already knows. We Google our little hearts our for "The Answer" to why we can't sleep, can't relax, can't stop eating, can't function at all, and then we go see our doctors so they can give us medication to fix all of the above.

I think we need a re-awakening. To the simpler things. To the truth at heart. To ourselves.

I recently discovered the book If Life is a Game, These are the Rules and I love what the author has come up with, so I came up with a few of my own which focus on the more get healthy aspects of life. I want to narrow it down though, keep it as simple as I can. I took at least 300 pages of notes in my first nutrition class alone and I've realized that simple is the answer. No high-falutin', rootin tootin, encyclopedia-required type of answers. Just easy ones.

The Rules for Taking Care of Yourself

Rule One: Sleep
I've said it before and I'll say it again. This is the most important rule of them all. It doesn't matter if you eat only vegetables every day, work out like a dog, and avoid every chemical on earth. Depriving yourself of this very basic need will eventually ruin you. Every single cell, atom, molecule and organ of your body needs to rest so that it can re-charge.

Think of your cell phone. You absolutely, positively must charge it for it to work. If you don't, it dies. If you only charge it for a little bit, it only lasts for a little bit and then, it dies. You cannot treat your body any differently. It needs 7-8 hours of sleep every single night. Napping during the day counts, but doesn't make up for the sleep you need at night.

Rule Two: Water
Water, water, water - drink it up. It's really that simple. Soda, juice, smoothies, and energy drinks cannot replace what water does for your body and to top it all off, you're just drinking empty calories.

Rule of Thumb: You should drink half of your body weight in ounces each and every day. I don't care if you have to pee 22 times a day, drink your water. Think of it as a bonus exercise routine. You have to get up and walk to the restroom which equals more calories burned. Voila! Two birds with one stone.

Rule Three: Move
We all know that to burn calories we need to move our bodies. Exercise is a great way to do that, but don't limit yourself to just thinking of exercise as a gym activity. Wash the dishes by hand, go out and plant some flowers, take the dog for a walk every night. There are a million ways to move your body, you just need to find out what works for you and then do it. Cleaning the house is one of the best ways to work out and get things done. Also, consider this: If you like watching TV every night promise yourself only one hour of actual sitting-and-not-doing-anything-productive time. Then, if you must watch more TV, get up and move while you watch. Do some squats, pump some iron, dance while they're Dancing with the Stars. Just move. I prefer hula hooping.

Rule Four: Eat Your Veggies
Fruit is great for you. Protein is important as well, but nothing quite compares to vegetables. The things they can do for your are pretty much amazing, simply put. Eat veggies with each meal. I know that can seem difficult, especially at breakfast, but get creative. Challenge the customary ideas! There is no rule that says you can only eat breakfast foods at breakfast time. I eat a salad for breakfast almost every day. I get my veggies in right off the bat and I feel pretty darn awesome then for the rest of the day. Shake up what you've been told is right and acceptable make up your own mealtime rules.

Rule Five: Accept and Move On
Struggling is hard in general. Battling for the good, the green, the cause - whatever it may be - is a lot of work and sometimes you just need to accept things for where they are before you can change them. Likewise, you need to accept yourself. So you had a cupcake for breakfast? Just accept it and move along with your day. Jeans too tight? Maybe, but there's nothing you can do about it in this nano-second. Just acknowledge it and accept it.

Fighting with yourself internally over every little thing that didn't go as planned or over things that aren't as you want them to be right at this exact moment isn't going to accomplish anything. You're just holding on to it. Face the facts head on, accept wherever you are at, and then let it go. Only then can you really move forward and make a change.

And without further adieu...

The Ten Rules for Being Human taken from If Life is a Game, These are the Rules.

Rule One - You will receive a body.
You may love it or hate it, but it will be yours for the duration of your life on Earth.

Rule Two - You will be presented with lessons.
You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called "life". Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or hate them, but you have designed them as part of your curriculum.

Rule Three - There are no mistakes, only lessons.
Growth is a process of experimentation, a series of trials, errors and occasional victories. The failed experiments are as much as a part of the process as the experiments that work.

Rule Four - The lesson is repeated until learned.
Lessons will be repeated to you in various forms until you have learned them. When you have learned them, you can go on to the next lesson.

Rule Five - Learning does not end.
There is no part of life that does not contain lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

Rule Six - "There" is no better than "here".
When your "there" has become "here" you will simply obtain another "there" that will look better to you than your present "here".

Rule Seven - Others are only mirrors of you.
You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.

Rule Eight - What you make of your life is up to you.
You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you.

Rule Nine - Your answers lie inside of you.
All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

Rule Ten - You will forget all this at birth.
You can remember it if you want by unraveling the double helix of inner-knowing.

Are there any rules you think should be added?

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Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Spider in Lieu of Payment

You know what's great for a day that drags on at work? Laughing.

This is an old, old email that went around long ago but I loved it so much I saved it in my "random and funny things" email file at work just in case. I have a lot of "just in case" emails. Things like this make the work day so much better. I passed it around to co-workers recently and we ended up having our own spider payment system. It got a little out of hand. Some people paid with the wrong spiders, some went against all the rules and paid with crickets, thus making some of us good debt payers hire "lawyers" to sue them, complete with invoices.  It was a very hilariously good day. I hope you enjoy this as much as we did.

Below is the complete email conversation that Adelaide man David Thorne claims he had with a utility company chasing payment of an overdue bill.
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account
Dear David,
Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account
Dear Jane,
I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.
Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.
Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,
You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
Yes please.
Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?
Dear Jane, Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.
Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David, Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95. Please make this payment as soon as possible.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

Thankyou for contacting me. I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.
Regards, David.

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.
Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David, As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

I understand and will definately make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.
Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?


I don't know about you, but any spider, real or drawn on paper, is terrifying.

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