Sunday, February 24, 2013

Monday Mantra: What You Want Most, What You Want Now

mantra is a sound, syllable, word, or group of words that is considered capable of "creating transformation".

Every Monday I will post a new thought, idea, or focus for the week. When you need a breather from life, when you need a little inspiration, or when you're about to jump over the conference table and strangle your co-worker, remember the mantra.

Monday Mantra: Don't give up what you want most for what you want now

I hate waiting.

I hate patience.

I hate being told "one day" for this or that. One day is too many days away from what I want right now.

I've always hated holding off to do/buy/eat something later that I want to do/buy/eat now. If I'm starving at 4pm, I eat such a stupidly giant snack that I ruin my dinner. If I see a sweater I like at LOFT I buy it, even though it will most likely go on sale one day. But again, I hate the lack of fulfillment in One Day. I want Today. I want Right Now. I want Right This Very Minute.

Waiting is a life lesson that I never really learned and yes, I'm ashamed to admit that. I didn't do much to address this particular problem until last year and only recently have I discovered now nice waiting can really be, especially when it comes to the important things in life.

"We force the puzzle pieces of our life together"

While I'm still learning exactly what it means to be patient in all areas of life, there is one particular (and brilliant) piece of advice my therapist gave me back when I was still married and trying to save my marriage and my sanity. What she said was simple, yet eloquent. It was something I probably knew deep down in my heart but had never allowed myself to bring forth to my conscious mind. It's something that, to this very day, I think of often and try to remember as something that is worth every ounce of my patience.

She told me that, more often than not, we force the puzzle pieces of our life together.

One day you meet someone who you fall for- easily, quickly. You love them, you want to be with them, you're hoping they're The One because you've been looking for The One since you first saw Zack and Kelly lock lips on Saved by the Bell and you decided you needed your Zack or Kelly in real life. You subconsciously decide this person has some of the qualities you need, not all, and you accept that. You tell yourself you can either live without those other things you thought you needed or you can try to be those things yourself. Because you love this person. Because this person is your Zack Morris.

This is fine, at first. But years go by and all of that trying you've been doing - of either letting go of what you needed or of forcing yourself to become someone you're not in an attempt to find the balance you required from the beginning - becomes an immense struggle. A struggle you didn't even know you were a part of until it gets unbearable.

One day you wake up and you realize you can no longer try to be what you need, when what you need never resided within you in the first place. Which is why you need someone else who has that- who has those qualities you lack. Because you don't, you never will, you're not meant to.

This can be a horrible awareness to suddenly have, but neither of you went into this with anything except good intentions. You just weren't consciously aware that this is what you'd been doing that whole time- forcing puzzle pieces together from two very different puzzles. You can try to duct tape and staple and super glue those bitches together, but they will never truly fit.

It's not until you find the person with the matching  pieces that you see the difference. The ease. The deep sigh of no longer having to try to be who or what you yourself could never be- for you or anyone else. And that person will feel the same way. It is the balance of Yin and Yang. Your pieces together form a perfect and complete puzzle. That person lifts you in your weakest moments and helps you shine bright in your best. And you, you do this for them as well.

So, while I work on learning how to wait for, well, everything in life - including Buckle jeans that fit my short legs perfectly but cost an arm and two legs and, I know, will go on sale one day - remember this: When it comes to the people in your life, you shouldn't have to force anything. Waiting may be the hardest thing to do, but it is the one thing thing above all else that is worth your time and patience. Because when the right person comes along, you'll understand why it never worked out with anyone before them.

Are you good at being patient? Any tricks you want to share with me before I sell my soul to the Right Now gods of impatience?

Related Post
Monday Mantra: Have Patience

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