The Reflection of Shadows
A collection of moments
Every once in a while I remember. Not a memory, but a memory of a memory. A recording of your voice, your laughter, your face, captured on ancient VHS tape. Moments I will never get to experience in real life, past that one birthday.
Every once in a while I wonder: What did I miss? How different would our lives have been? Why?
Every once in a while I miss you. I would miss you all the time if I could think about you all the time, but that would ruin me. So I don't.
Every once in a while I think about your eyes. There are moments when I can't remember what they look like at all. Moments when I can't remember what your laugh sounded like, or how you smiled. There are moments when I remember with pure exactness.
Every once in a while I catch myself thinking of you and I force myself to stop. Immediately. It always happens at the least convenient time for crying, like when I'm trying to fall asleep, when I'm driving my car, when I'm breathing.
Every once in a while I break. I let myself cry. I let myself remember, feel, hurt. I let myself drown in the knowledge that there will never be another you, not for all the rest of my life.
For all the people I once loved
And still love to this day,
To all the people long now gone,
For those that passed away.