Saturday, June 12, 2010

Wake Up

Last night I had a dream that I was sleeping. In a dorm I didn't recognize, in clothes that I don't own, in a life I've never lived - waiting to wake up. I had a 10 a.m. coffee date with my sister and my alarm had just gone off. I was exhausted, drugged almost, so weak and groggy that I could hardly get out of my bed. When I threw the covers back I was fully dressed already. I stumbled to the shower, turned on the cold water, and attempted to shock myself into waking up. I was still dressed when the water hit me.

When the ice cold pellets of water did nothing, I got out of the shower, still in my soaking wet jeans, and decided this was as good as it was going to get. Somehow I would have to make it to our coffee date just like this, trapped in this awful state of being in a sleep coma and real life. I attempted to brush my teeth but the tooth brush seemed to weigh hundreds of pounds, so heavy in my hand that it never even made it off the counter.

I walked back to my bed and saw that it was late. Much later than it had been when I woke up. Even though I was moving as fast as I could with all my strength, four hours had passed - from the time I walked to the shower, tried to brush my teeth, and walked back to my bed. I was late for our date. My phone rang.

At this exact moment I half-way woke up in real life. I knew I was in my bed, in my house, but I could not stop the dream. A split second later, I was back in the dorm, back in the dorm bed, struggling to wake up. In my dream, the day dragged on as I lie there looking at my alarm clock with the numbers changing. Morning had turned into evening and I was still frozen. I had missed the coffee day entirely. The scariest part of this whole thing was that in reality, I could not wake up. I could open my eyes, see my dog lying on my bed waiting for me to get up and walk him, but I couldn't move. I had no way of stopping this horrible dream. I was paralyzed by it and it had taken over me.

In real life, I had planned on getting up around 8 a.m., but that never happened. I kept kind of waking up and then slipping back into the dream. I felt what I was feeling in my sleep. I felt weak, stuck, horribly incapable of ever waking up again. I wanted to scream. I might have even done that. Finally, around 11 a.m. I found myself slipping back into this world, able to sit up, get out of bed, and get on with my life. The dream haunted me all day. The feeling of being stuck, stuck with me.

I know that every dream has a meaning to it, a deeper purpose to it, to help us find our way. I now know what I must do in my life to wake myself out of the rut that I've been in and to finally find my way in life.

And it all starts with this blog.

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