Tuesday, February 8, 2011

All the little puzzle pieces

There are specific moments in everyone's life that they remember so clearly, and they knew so certainly, it's as if it just happened that day. I remember when my dad died and how I knew what had happened before anyone told me, and the time when I knew I would date my high school sweetheart before either of us had said a word to each other.

Then there are those less conspicuous moments when a small fragment of an almost nothing moment in time stands out, only to reappear in a significant way later. I remember one conversation with a friend that made me think "that will never happen to me" and then it did, or the time when I was 12 and my family drove past this random center and I thought it was such a horrible looking place to work at (location/parking lot nightmare wise) and then a decade and some change later I end up working there. Even the very first time I met Justin, such a small fraction of a moments encounter,  only to then meet him almost the exact same way two years later.

I find it so strange to have memories of such small moments, only to have them lead to something so much bigger later on.

Today on my drive home I started to wonder...what if all these little moments in time are puzzle pieces to my life? What if I had paid closer attention to other moments, would I have figured something out about my life sooner? What if I had the ability to actually figure out my path in this world by paying closer attention to those specific things that stick, that never let my memory free them? What if I could have changed something? What if aliens actually rule the world and there's a Tron like blueprint for all of us?

As you can see, I am a very skilled what if-er.

I've always looked for a "sign" for everything. Just the other week I wanted a sign for something important happening in my life now and when I got nothing I debated with myself on whether or not the nothing was actually the sign I was looking for. Now I'm wondering if what I really should be looking for is pieces to my puzzle. Little fractions of a second, of a hour, that have never left me. What other moments from my past that would seem so small, so unimportant, could be possible clues to my future? Should I try figuring them out and if I do, will that make a difference in what I do? Or is it better to live a life of surprise, where moments happen and there's nothing more to them, nothing less? 

Thinking like this makes me think even more, which leads to a serious amount of over-thinking and possible brain trauma in the form of confusion. Even at this very moment now I've moved on to pondering the big things in my life that happened and if there was something I should have paid attention to, something small, to be better prepared for the outcome that followed. 

I could go on and on, and I probably will in the privacy of my own brain. The ultimate question is this: If you could put all your puzzles pieces together, would you want to know what your puzzle looks like, or would you want to live one moment at a time, piecing it all together?

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Antiquated 1973 said...

One of my favorites so far!

Lydia L said...

Death. this is piece that never fits in our lives. Everyday we hear of people dying but we dont think that this will happen to us. Giving birth. This is a beautiful and miraculous puzzle piece, but a terrifying one. Getting married; supposedly the happiest and biggest piece of someone's life. I am pointing out all the huge moments in life that everyone can expect, but doesn't seem to think will happen to them until it does. My point is that thinking about the huge things in life is scary. But it is in the little moments of life that we think about these things. This has led me to believe that the little moments of life- the non revelatory moments are the most important- the glue to the puzzle. The Bible is a Huge moment story. There is not a place in the Bible where little moments are mentioned. THe Bible has a huge message and tells us that no matter where our lives lead us, we are receivers of salvation. Now, I know that the biggest moment of my life will be when I go to heaven, but for now, while I am brushing my teeth, sitting in class, driving through traffic, or taking care of my baby, I can think about what heaven will be like.
~Lydia Lozano

Lydia L said...

I agree with you, we do need to pay attention to little details. Everyday I notice little details that keep adding to the bigger picture. I don't know what this means, except for the fact that I am on the right path. GOd says that he will lead us on the right path. I believe this.