Monday, August 5, 2013


Hi Friends- I have a special treat for you today. My friend recently started her own blog, The Inspirational Bitch, and I couldn't wait for her to be a guest on here so you could all get to know the fabulous awesomeness of her: A little swearing, a little honesty, and a little bit of Benedict Cumberbatch. OK, maybe a lot of swearing, but it's her thing and she's really quite good at it.


Chantelle is such a bitch.*

Last week, I received a text from this wonderful, crazy, irritatingly gorgeous woman who suggested that I please join evil forces with her so world domination will be ours write something amazingly awesomesauce and be a guest blogger for Monday’s article! My initial reaction was “Asdgfjfksjshagd YAY SURE OMG SO FUN I’LL BE FAMOUS!” which, of course, swiftly disintegrated into inner panic and consumption of several Xanax. OK, MAYBE I’m being a bit dramatic, but Chantelle is one of the few lovely people in my life who always has a smile on her face, a kind word for all, and radiates positivity and smiles all the live long day. While she consistently serves dish after dish of hilarious and charming anecdotes and advice, I’m over here all, “Try not to curse, use the ‘F’ word or embarrass yourself, just this once, OK!?”

Really fucking irritating, isn’t it? (You knew that was coming and you LIKE it.)

So what does The Inspirational Bitch wish to discuss on this quiet Sunday eve? Honestly, I’m going to be a shmuck and piggyback what Chantelle was talking about last week, Part 4 of Commanding Your Time. Time is a subject I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, therefore a perfect springboard into the cesspool sparkly inviting, gloriously Jamaican-themed pool party of “what -to -do -with -the -time -on -Earth -we -are -given,” (which, incidentally, is currently taking place in my mind palace). The party, not the cesspool. I am the INSPIRATIONAL Bitch, after all, not the Grumptastic Bitch.

Two weeks ago, I turned 34. Entering my 35th year of life spawned an entirely new set of questions for myself- have I accomplished everything I wanted in life up to this point, am I where I pictured myself at this age, am I “successful,” did you SEE that fabulous pair of Louboutins in VOGUE this month?!- which has -since then- sparked an immense drive in me to go out and LIVE LIFE. Like, really live it. Fling-yourself-out-of-an-airplane live it. Can you imagine what you would do with your time if you let go of all of your anxieties, your inner fear about success and failure, and really took the time to be present in the moment to enjoy the savory delights of a meal? A child’s demonical giggle? The way white roses smell? To take a chance on a complete stranger?

The problem is you think you have time. Indeed. Buddha was wise. However, I dare suggest an alternative to this statement: It’s not a problem, because we KNOW we have time. Yes, it is limited to however long our circumstances and our bodies allow us to thrive before we expire…it’s simply our decision what to make of the time that we have left.

I can’t say for the moment that I’ve accomplished the goals I originally set out to do in my short 34 years on this planet. I’m not where I thought I would be at 34. I thought I would have been married to my college sweetheart for several years at this point. I thought perhaps I’d be living in a fabulous home, with a fabulous career and an envy-inducing day-to-day lifestyle. I haven’t written any books (yet), I haven’t traveled as much as I’d like (yet), and I haven’t found the love of my life. YET. But I will. Because in the end, I refuse to give up on the dream and the happiness I hope to find with someone, someday. I have a roof over my head, plenty of ice cream in the freezer, and the love and companionship of those nearest and dearest to my heart. So if perhaps you feel despair, the pressure of time, the overwhelming sense of frustration that the carrot dangled in front of you is just not close enough- reboot your mind.

The answer, my friends, is deliciously simple. So easy, yet so difficult to do. I struggle with it, as do most of the people I love in my life: time is all that we have in the end. Let go of the mundane and useless in our daily lives, be it a person or a feeling that no longer serves you. Take every opportunity that presents itself to you. If it doesn’t turn out the way you planned, it’s going to be one hell of an adventure anyway. Define success by your own standards, not anyone else’s. I know in this day and age, waking up, spinning the same routine and stewing in your own private hell of a cubicle isn’t ideal. (OK, so that cartoon is a tad satirical, even for me; I don’t hate my job and I’m certainly not broke). But ask yourself: will how I feel in this moment last forever, be it a good or a bad emotion? Of course not. Life is an ever-changing adventure. How I feel today may change completely by tomorrow, based on someone new entering my life, someone leaving it, if I should get sick, win the lottery, get pregnant, or meet the love of my life. It’s up to us to spin it the way we want it to be. I personally refuse to be Grumpy Cat. (One is more than enough, anyway…)

It’s never too late for a new beginning.

*And by bitch, I mean one of my best friends whom I adore and would throw myself in front of a train for and also possibly punch babies if I needed to.**
**Babies are assholes.

Image via GapingVoid

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