Friday, March 18, 2011

Falling Down Stairs and Kidnapping Friends

With all of the sad things going on in the world I thought we could all use a good laugh. Have at it!

The Fall

Last week at work I had the pleasure of accidentally entertaining my fellow co-workers when I took a little tumble down the stairs. I didn't actually trip on anything as much as I believe Karma pushed me down the stairs. I was joking around at people not using our 20 step staircase at work and instead using the ancient elevator. Two seconds after that I fell. The fall itself felt (and apparently looked) like it took five minutes when it should've only taken a few seconds. 

During my fall the following took place: First, I somehow handed my tea mug to my co-worker so that it would be my tea. Then I realized that the other associates that share our building were having a morning huddle 20 feet away on the first floor and instead of worrying about hurting myself, or you know, dying, I was worried about them hearing me fall like a fool down the stairs. I attempted to recover at each step, but instead ended up falling down on only the left side of my body like some kind of an odd human bouncy ball.

I held on to my purse and my documents as I fell and once I neared the bottom I attempted to pass them off to my manager who was trying not to die laughing, but wasn't succeeding. When I finally hit bottom I promptly sat up straight, mentally assessed the damage, and tried very hard to pretend like that didn't just happen. Then I busted out laughing while whining as everything on the left side of me started to ache. It went something along the lines of "Ha ha ha..ouch...ha ha...that's gonna bruise...ha ha ha...*whimper*..." and so on.

I later found out that the team downstairs did indeed hear the fall and proceeded to joke about me (not my other coworkers, no, just me) potentially falling, when in all reality they had no idea I had actually fallen to, what could've have been, my almost death. Instead they innocently thought it was a box one of us dropped. I tried to fall silently but clearly it didn't work. I'm fine and came out mostly unscathed thanks to old carpeted stairs. At least everyone got to start the week out with a good, long laugh.

Moral of the story: Next time you think about making fun of anything be prepared for Karma to kick you in the behind promptly and efficiently. 

The Kidnapping

My dear, dear friend was getting married and it was time to plan her bachelorette party. There is something you have to know about me and my groups of friends...we like having ridiculous amount of fun doing ridiculous things while simultaneously embarrassing the heck out of ourselves. It doesn't matter if it's a baby shower, bridal shower, girls nights out, or just a regular day driving in the car. One day I'll go into more detail with some stories, but for now just know that what I'm about to tell you is fairly "normal" for us.

For this special occasion I knew I wanted to do something to throw her off. I have participated in a bachelor party kidnapping and often think back fondly on the hilariousness of that, so I decided it was
time to throw another body in the back of my SUV.

It all started with a friendly ransom note to the bride-to-be to let her know when to be ready. I also informed her mom of the situation since the kidnapping would take place at her house and I didn't want her to call 911. My brilliant friend Jess helped to plan out the details to follow, so I can't take all the credit for this beautifully crazy plan.

We had mapped out everything before hand, to make sure all of us kidnappers were on the same page. We decided we would be the scary people from the horror movie Deliverance, but with a modern day twist. We even had a script all figured out.

First we put on bandanas and sunglasses to assume the proper identities. We put my small dogs giant teddy bear, that he slobbers on, in the back of the car as a cushion for her head and to basically just gross her out. The captive has to have some torture, right? I loaded the Dueling Banjo song from Deliverance on my iPod and set it to repeat. We pulled up in the driveway, banjo music on blast, and threw the car doors open. We ran in the house, blindfolded her, tied her arms behind her back, and made our escape. I hardly saw her brother, who had no idea of this event, sitting on the sofa staring at me with a mixed look of concern and awesomeness. Her mom cutely waived at us and told us to have a nice time.

As all of this is happening the innocent little neighbor kid next door was staring at us. He completely stopped playing with his ball and just watched us, unsure of what exactly was going on in his quiet, peaceful neighborhood. We put the bride in the back of the SUV, and by back I do mean the area where luggage, groceries, and of course bodies, would go. Then the two Jessica's (my fellow kidnappers) did a lovely little Four Square kind of a dance around the car to the banjo music while I took numerous pictures, thus scarring the little neighbor kid for life, I'm sure.

To keep things confusing for her I drove like a maniac, pulling into random neighborhoods to throw her off, backing up, stopping suddenly and pretending to stop and pick up another person that we were kidnapping as well. The other person consisted of nothing except Jess, who has some amazing sound effects. Still, it through her off for a bit. Jess also makes a very convincing crazy hillbilly which made the whole ride that much more interesting. We did the whole soooo-eee pig call at will, randomly shouted out things we thought the Deliverance people would have said, and interrogated her as to what type of a drink she would like for the evening to come.

At one point we decided we needed to up the ante a little, so we stopped and got some food to feed our little captive. We got some of that canned cheese stuff, crackers, and chocolate donut holes. The final destination was The Melting Pot (see how nice we really are?) so this served as a good pre-dinner course of what was to come, kind of.  First we gave her the crackers and cheese. Then we switched it up on her without mentioning anything and gave her the chocolate donut hole which pretty much freaked her out since she wasn't expecting that at all. Not part of the plan, but it was pretty funny.

The whole time we were driving I was a little afraid that some of the other cars on the freeway might notice someone bound in the back of my car, especially since we were playing the banjo music, yelling, and flailing our arms around, and that they might just call the cops on us. Luckily they didn't notice or they were too scared by our insanity to even consider it. Finally we arrived at The Melting Pot, got out, and left her Ashley in the car.

Then we came back, got her out, and surprised her with a nice fondue meal. I'm pretty sure she thought the kidnapping was worth it.

Good food and great memories, what could be better? Maybe not being in the back of a car for an hour.

Next time we'll keep that in mind.

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Ashley said...

Best bachelorette party EVER!

Chantelle Says said...

Heck yeah!!!

Jeremy and Jessica said...

It was an awesome night! I had so much :)

Chantelle Says said...

I'm so glad. Me too! :)