Monday, July 31, 2017

Monday Mantra: On Becoming

mantra is a sound, syllable, word, or group of words that is considered capable of "creating transformation".

Every Monday I will post a new thought, idea, or focus for the week. When you need a breather from life, when you need a little inspiration, or when you're about to jump over the conference table and strangle your co-worker, remember the mantra.

Monday Mantra: And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. - Anais Nin
Veronika Weroni Vajdova

I remember wanting to be a singer.

A pirate.

A teacher.

A tiger trainer and a tornado chaser.

I remember wanting to be a Powerball winner so fiercely that it became a career in and of itself in my mind, when growing up and moving away all seemed too hard and too scary.

I remember wanting to become versions upon versions of myself.

How becoming a yoga teacher turned into becoming a wellness practitioner and how that led to a desire to be a doctor.

How that never happened.

How I had to realize the harsh reality of time. So much, so little, so precious. How I had to determine where to put my energy, and why.

I've considered the energy I've already spent on so many other things that intrigued me:

Sign language.

The dream of becoming an architect.

The year in high school where I worked out a deal so I could take two classes at the same time; the one I was required to take and the drafting class I desired so that I could become the next Frank Lloyd Wright. The 20 minutes every morning that I was allowed in drafting class to learn and practice. My friend, Brian, helping me understand all the other pieces to it that I didn't get because I was never really there. The AutoCAD LT program we installed on my home computer so I could practice.

The moment I gave up on that dream.

The many, many, many years spent studying psychology. The master's degree I now need to complete if I want to fully turn that goal into an accomplishment.

The other dreams. The bigger, the bolder, the further out of reach only because they mean that much more. The ones that not only require hard work and natural talent, but luck. Pure and simple luck. The things I still want to be, the things I'm 'being' right now on my own, by myself, in my own way.

A photographer.
A traveler.
A writer.

The dream I've had the longest, the fiercest, the most desired but the most terrifying and seemingly out of reach:

A poet.

And now, right now, the designer. The one who decorates houses and plans events and believes that there is an unparalleled beauty in finding the exact right way a vase should be placed on a table with a frame. The colors, the spaces between spaces- the belief that all of it matters.

Under all of these dreams and hopes and plans, there is the me that exists. The business me, who for the last 16 years has spent her time building a career she never actually planned, but that found her nonetheless. The me that is a dog mom, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend.

Somewhere, out in the not so far away future, there lies a new me.

A business owner, a mom- to dogs and people. An older, wiser, and still desiring of everything me that wants all of my past dreams- and so much more.

This is a list of who I am, who I've been, who I am yet to become. A tally of adventures, journeys, and discoveries.

I'm embracing all of this, more than this, myself. I'm learning what it means to become yourself year by year, path by path.

Becoming who you are meant to be is difficult, beautiful, confusing, time consuming...worth it. It is all encompassing and all empowering. It is realizing you are blue one day, then yellow the next. That you are red, green, and purple. That you are all the colors of the rainbow because you never were and never will be just one thing.

That you are capable.

That life is both infinite and finite.

That you will have accomplishments and failures, triumphs and defeats. That all of these things are okay, acceptable, normal.

That we are all trying: to succeed, to figure it out, to become.

The path to the best version of yourself may not always be clear, straight, and well lit. You may need to start over, change course, turn around. You may even need to bring matches to burn the bridges you've crossed; let them turn to ash.

Your journey to becoming is all this and more.

Your path is a path worth taking.

No comments: