Friday, July 29, 2011

Dear Journal...

Dear Journal,

This week started out like any other. Wake up, go to work, laugh at my OBFF (Office Best Friend Forever) and repeat. Then Wednesday rolled around.

My OBFF and I were working on our new Instant Messaging techniques which consists of writing on a sticky note, crumpling it up and then tossing it over the cube wall to the other person with the goal of hitting them in the head. My OBFF, although strange and probably not from this planet, is one of the funniest people I know. I don't know how I survived work before him but I do know he has helped me tone down my workaholic-ism, which is good. Anyway, the Instant Messaging was going well until it suddenly wasn't.

At one point I was flagged down with a look from him that said "Well?!?" to which I then realized meant I was missing an IM. I looked everywhere only to discover it was in my hair (Note to Self: Don't wear hair down on IM days). I promptly returned the message to avoid further harassment from him. Several minutes later I hear a "Psst....PSSSST!" coming from around my wall. I go over to see what his commotion is all about and find out he has now lost our IM. Sheesh. This new system may not be so great after all...

Anyway, he can't find it anywhere. Anywhere! He starts showing me all the places he looked and when he turns around I discover what he's been missing - the IM landed in his pants, more precisely inbetween the belt area and where his shirt tucks in. I immediately erupt into laughter and hit him on the arm. Several moments later, when I calm myself and my chuckles down, I explain to him that he needs to check his pants. The look I got was priceless. He finally figures it out and we resume our communication.

Then my OBFF and another co-worker decide they want to go to Whole Foods for lunch, my favorite waste-your-time-looking-at-vegetables store ever. I could spend an entire day there. I am thrilled. We have it all planned to head out at noon, however, they get done with a call early so we leave just a little after 11am. The sooner I get to happy land, the better. Plus,  I'm on a mission to find this trail mix that I so dearly love for my boss who hasn't been able to find it thus far. Woo! Let's go.

Half way to Whole Foods my OBFF says to me "Hey, were you supposed to be on a call at 11:30?"


Yes. Yes I was supposed to be on a call at 11:30, my call. My call that I set up on my outlook calendar with my boss and another person. I hit the dashboard with my hand and, as I'm doing so, our other coworker, who's car it is that I just hit, is now giving me a look that says she's fearing for the safety of her car. I hit a couple more things for good measure and to help rid myself of the turmoil building inside. Doggone it! What's worse is that I can't even join the call now because I have a regular, boring, no information-that-I-need-like-call-reminders cell phone. I have no way of knowing the info without my computer at this point.

I text my boss a message that says, and this is word for word almost exactly, except for those words that should not be seen by children:

"Aggggghhhh!!!!! Well I am just going to crawl under a rock and die now. I'm buying your lunch, it's the least I can do for bailing on my own call. Would you also like a magazine? Dessert? Anything??? Ugh..."

We arrive at our destination and I attempt to get hit in the parking lot so as to not have to live this down. You know, just end my misery now. I do buy her lunch but I cannot locate the trail mix, unfortunately, my whole reason for going. I failed at life this day.

The whole way back to the office my co-workers are trying to calm me down. Well, one of them is. My OBFF keeps traumatizing me with fake calls from the people scheduled on my call. "Hey, yeah, she's busy at Whole Foods looking for granola, she can't make her call, OK? Got a problem with that?" I am a disaster as my need to do good at everything has just been crushed by no other person than myself. We go upstairs and I attempt to hide from life.  My boss sees me and starts laughing. I have a really great boss, thank goodness. However, my boss and my OBFF are old friends and the two of them ganged up on me for the remainder of the day.

Later, my OBFF creates a demotivational poster that reads:

Power: You gotta call a meeting, make everybody change their schedule around, and then cancel it at the last minute. Why? Because you can. 

Except I just bailed on mine completely...close enough. The only thing I had left to say at this point was best said originally by Sue Sylvester from Glee:

"I will no longer be carrying around photo ID. Know why? People should know who I am."

And that journal is how my Wednesday concluded. The weekend cannot get here soon enough...

Ever do something really dumb at work? Like me? Say yes, it will make me feel better.

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