Thursday, June 30, 2011

Withholding the Truth

Recently one of my oldest, dearest, and most awesome-est friends, Sara, and her equally awesome hubby, Shaun, came and visited us here in the desert. I was thrilled since Sara hasn't been back to AZ in like, forever, and this was Shaun's first trip to see real, live cacti and scorpions.

Upon her arrival I did my very, very best not to tackle her at the airport with my over-enthusiastic hug. I actually positioned myself closer to the entrance so that I wouldn't run across the waiting area like a crazy person and get tasered by airport security. I am happy to report that no tasering took place.

We did the usual grown up things like hiking, hula hooping in my backyard, and buying special accessories for our night out on the town, in our hometown. The outfits consisted of funny hats, giant sunglasses and bangles. We even got accessories for the boys as well- more funny hats, unusual watches, and musical instruments. We didn't want them to feel left out, obviously, since we were looking so incredibly fantastic in our leopard/cowboy hat and glitter sunglasses ensembles.  We kept the sunglasses on all evening and I quietly hummed the "I wear my sunglasses at night" song in my head while I wondered if anyone recognized me and secretly hoped they didn't. You see, I have to go back home fairly often since my family lives there still and I was really counting on my outfit to throw off anyone and everyone who might recognize me.

We danced with a bunch of drunk strangers at what turned out to be a gay bar while the boys played their harmonicas and kazoos. We then went to Wal-Mart where we entertained ourselves with their never ending supply of hula hoops and bicycles. I remember all of this because I was sober. I'm a good old fashioned water drinker which my friends love because I can always drive and I still act like a fool just for fun. I also remember all of this because I took pictures of them riding around Wal-Mart on bikes and attempting to play baseball in the back of the store.

Anyway, we had an awesome time hanging out that night and the next day we took a little trip to the Grand Canyon to "ooo" and "ahh" and it's grandness. It really is something to be seen and I do recommend checking it out if you've never been. I had forgotten just how pretty and breathtaking it really is. My favorite part of this entire event, though, was the dinner that night before where we all got together with my mom and gramma and our other incredibly wonderful friend, Becky, and her husband.

Back in high school Becky, Sara and I were our own little Three Musketeer trio. In our agriculture class at school we would all sit together and our teacher, Mr. Stevens, would refer to our table as the "Midget Table" since we are all very short. It was a term of endearment.

We were all so different and yet so alike. For example, I lived in my own little bubble of a world where I owned one CD, 101 Dalmatians (I kid you not), and that was enough for me because I had just broken free of the world of country music and tapes. Becky was still solidly in country music land and Sara was a rock and roller. She introduced us to various bands and singers, including Nine Inch Nails, which terrified Becky since I'm pretty sure she thought it was satanic music of some kind. I'm pretty sure she still does, actually.

The three of us all drove some kind of awesome off-roading vehicle and we all had names for them. Each day at lunch we would decide which one to take and head off to Wendy's for the usual. Becky had the coolest, oldest, most awesome jeep ever, which we named Earl. Sara and I were the giant SUV girls, so we always had mud bogging adventures going on somewhere. We had fun, the three of us, and we hadn't been together since Sara up and graduated and moved to the cold country. This night was special because we were finally all together again.

We told stories about the things we used to do and the things we've done since. All the guys got to meet each other and bond over, you know, manly things. The night was good, but the night got even better when Becky confessed to my mom that I had been sky diving and my mom, well, she had no idea of this wild thing which I had done. Let me start at the very beginning...

Last August Shaun, being the awesome husband that he is, wanted to surprise Sara with a visit from me and on that visit we were all going to go sky diving as well. I had actually never planned on jumping out of a plane. It was not on my bucket list at all, but if Sara was going, then I was going and that was that. For two months I silently pondered why I had gone insane and decided to jump out of a plane. I also mentally tried t prep myself for the jump. I did not at any time tell my mother this plan. I figured it was better to tell her once I was back home and alive rather than before the fact. Plus, I'm an adult. I don't have to tell my mother. That was my don't-feel-bad-about-not-telling-her thought anyway.

We get to good old Wisco and I find out Sara wasn't planning on jumping at all, but she thought the same thing I did - if she goes, I go - so we both ended up jumping. You get video's of your jump which you then get to watch right afterwards. Shaun is practically a professional jumper so he was doing all these awesome flips and tricks while Justin pretty much passed out right up there in the sky. Sara, hands down, had the best video ever because she was hilarious in it. Like, I could start laughing so hard I could cry right now if I start thinking about it. I can't tell you anything further or I may not live to see the light of day. I, however, had the most boring video of them all. I really did.

The entire night before I was super nervous and couldn't sleep. Not a wink. Then, somehow, I found that calm place that I had so fervently practiced in my mind and I ended up just stepping right out into the air. It was like I had been living a double life as a secret Black Ops sky diver or something. I didn't scream once, I did everything perfect (which is BORING), I did a flip, got to man the strings for a bit, and I even had an entire conversation with my jump partner about his career and the sky diving business. So, while I had an amazing time and a great jump, and while I'm certain that in some past life I must have been a bird,  I had the most yawn worthy video ever. At least I picked out cool music for the background sounds.

Back to the day of the dinner...

In the car, on the way to our hometown, Sara asks me if I've shown my mom the jump video. We had originally come up this whole plan where I would have her watch it without her even knowing what it was. That would be how I told her I jumped out of a plane. I kept waiting and waiting and waiting for my mom to come to my house so I could set this all up for her.  I waited so long that when Sara asked me if she'd seen it, I honestly couldn't remember if she had or if I had just imagined that I had shown her. Justin even told her he was pretty sure I had told her, at least, so I went with that.

Turns out we were all wrong.

Becky somehow mentions the sky diving and as the words come out of her mouth my moms jaw drops open in shock. Whoopsie. I remember this all happening in slow motion. My mom turning to look at me with that intense mom look - mouth wide open, glossy stare of fear and death - while Becky realizes what just happened and literally ducks to hide behind her husband's shoulder. Sara and everyone else starts busting up while we all sit there and I have to spill the beans.

Poor Beck. This is not the first time she's accidentally ratted me out to my mom. The first time was at my wedding reception when she gave the toast and informed everyone of the adventure we once took to Flagstaff where we got stuck in a blizzard. This, my mom did not know either, since I was never allowed to leave town, but did anyway on more than one occasion. At that time I got the intense, yet kind and loving mom look, while Becky tried to hide behind the microphone after the confession. All my guests started laughing at realizing I had just gotten busted 5 years too late, by my BFF, at my wedding.

So poor, poor Becky was probably reliving that moment right then and there. She was trying to apologize, swearing she would never talk again, ever, while my mom questioned this sky diving trip and I explained everything to her. She wasn't mad though, I mean, I am still alive and you can't argue with that! I wasn't mad either, not this time or the last. How can you be mad at something so hilarious like that? The look of sheer agony combined with panic on Becky's face at ratting me out was just too much. I laughed so hard I cried for a good 15 minutes at least. My mom laughed it all off too, but at the end of the night she turned to look at Becky with a dead serious look and told her she could call her anytime with information on me. In fact, to this day when my mom calls me she asks what I've been up to and then quietly adds "I'll double check with Becky when I run into her in town."

Moral of the Story - Friends are an important part of your life. They will be with you through the good and bad and hopefully a lot of the hilarious as well. However, with that being said,  they will have a lot of dirt on you so you should always remember to either tell your mom everything first or at least prep your friends on what not to mention to her. Unless of course you want to laugh your behind off. Then just go for it.

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